haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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