if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
