I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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