i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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