considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
