Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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