So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
