Got a toothbrush?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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