I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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