Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
