So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
