Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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