i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
