He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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