i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
