Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
