oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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