I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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