my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
