i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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