Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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