i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
