New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize