I think im going to throw up on grandma
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i have two assholes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
