Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
