Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
