Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
