stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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