i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish you could order shots online.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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