somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
