Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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