dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
