whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
