she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
