Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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