there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
