i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
