the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
