every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
