Apparently you make a good broom.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize