mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
