We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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