If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i've created a new STD.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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