I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
