either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
