Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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