I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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