She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
