dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
