I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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