Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
