I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
