that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
