I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They took my balls.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
