What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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