Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
