Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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