we're blogging at a bar
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
