She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
