i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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