omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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