it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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