She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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