I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
