omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
