Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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