Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
