I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
