Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
