Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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