Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
